Its been a while since I've blogged. Maybe it's because I couldn't find the time to blog. Maybe it's because I was too lazy to express how i felt or shared any of my situations. Or maybe plunging words of feelings into my friend's ears eased my mind enough to not let it out onto this blog. Whatever it is, it has been a while, and reading my friend's blogs have motivated me to give it another go.

It's 2015 now, a new year, and hopefully a new me.
2015 went off with a trip back to where I came from (was born), Vietnam. At first, I didn't expect much from this trip. All memories of Vietnam was blurry, and only memories of boredom were present at that time. The thought of not returning to Vietnam for almost 14 years scared me. I wasn't prepared to meet so many relatives in such a short amount of time. Seeing their faces as they come to hug me and tell me they miss me but not even being able to remember their names. I have so many cousins whom are all around my age and younger who know and remember me, yet I haven't the slightest memory of their existence. Well, going back has inspired and enlightened me to what my life really is about. It was a steep learning curve and a test of courage and tenacity but I managed. I learnt all of my relatives names, from the countless uncles and aunties, grandmas and grandpas, and finally my lovely cousins. I toured Vietnam from South to North, learning about it's culture and heritage. It sparked something inside me to have finally see and know the beautiful country I came from.
My cousins were on my mind during most of the trip. Seeing them for the first time and realising how old and pretty they've become makes me really want to get to know them. It was tough though. They were mostly all girls, 8 girls, 3 guys. And luckily for me, 2 of the guys were little and were always around the girls. They all tagged along with my sister and seemed to get along very well. Seeing them run around in laughter makes me jealous of my sister. Why can't I be like her. Why can't they notice me and try to get to know me. But then I realise that it was me. I shouldn't be intimidated by them just because they are in a group as I was an outsider. I should see them all as family and build the courage to talk and get to know them better. Finally, the day came when my cousin Win came home. He was the same age as me and was also a guy. He was the one person I have fond memories of as we used to always be with one another when I was little. He was also alone. Great, finally I can approach one of my cousin and get to know them. It was easier than I expected. I caught up with him in a few minutes and found us talking as though we were fond for years already. It was a very nice experience. :)
The next 'task' was to get to know all my girl cousins whom I have no idea about. The thought that they were my family, and that I don't have much time in Vietnam motivated me to approach them. Cautiously I tried to talk to them. Awkward. I knew it, we were practically strangers. I'm a stranger walking into a group of best friends in attempt to join them. It was much harder than I thought but they opened up to me. As two of them, aged 15 and 16, began to talk to me more and get to know me, I was able to learn about their lives. The last time I was in Vietnam, I was only a few years old, making them even younger, the reason why we feel like strangers. As I became fond with 2, the others came one by one. In the end, I've found myself with 11 cousins (just on my dad's side). It was a much nicer experience than I could have ever expected. They were all such lovely girls, and in such a short amount of time, I've grown to love them to bits, each and every one of them. We developed a very close relationship which I will not forget. I even slowly learnt to read and type in Vietnamese, just to be able to chat with them online, haha. It was hard but I'm finally here. Goodbyes finally arrived and they weren't that easy. Tears were on everyone's faces as I hugged each and everyone of them, promising them that I'll return in 4 years, hopefully sooner if I can. At last, i'm here. Back on my computer in Australia, with a few more convos on my facebook, as my Vietnamese gradually improve as I talk to them. I pray that my family's financial circumstance will improve so that I can return to Vietnam sooner than 4 years. ^_^
I will always cherish the memories I've had with my family. Their gifts will be taken specially care of. I will never forget their faces and laughters. But most importantly, I will always remember that I have a big and lovely family, in Vietnam.