They say a relationship grows from experience, but with every minute of happiness feeds an extra minute of doubt. We were once a flourished pair. With mutual feelings we set out to the world, hand in hand. But somewhere along the way, the hand was dropped and I tread a path of uncertainty. Though I picked you up and we continue to walk together. I'm walking ahead.
Hands ajoined but hips are not. You tread unwillingly behind. Mind filled with doubt. Not knowing whether to catch up and recapture what was. Or to stop and let go.
I don't stop, I can't. If I stop, we stop. I wipe my tears and try keep my head high. I must soldier on. Because if I let the sadness consume me, I won't be able to spread my happiness to this relationship. And when things aren't good/happy, it'll be shit. And you'll be sad too. And when that happens, things only get worse.
I can't let you fall because if i do, i'll lose you for good. We walk a beautiful path now. I wonder what's the matter. What is missing? Why the hesitation? You say it's not the case but I know deep down the truth.
Things are different now. No matter how beautiful, the beauty is tainted. You're over it. A part of you want out. You latch on from guilt. You say you like me, but it sounds as though you don't want to. Because at the end of the day, I ask myself why? There's nothing missing. The only thing missing. Is your heart for me. And that's something I can't obtain, no matter what I do.

I stand strong... patient, but i start to waiver. My heart is faint. As we walk my strides slow down. Prefusive tears I cannot wipe. They run down my heart and soaks my soul. Since when did I start to no longer want to say "I love you". Unmet feelings can only burn for so long. For it's flames are dwindling at an unmet love. It's as though you're playing handball with a wall. You can tolerate it at first but it will never be the same as playing with that special someone. You just become bored and no longer bounce against that wall.

It's a beautiful thing. What we have and what we can have. But I can't help but think... you're going to throw it away.

The balls in your park, but the clock hasn't stopped ticking.

Ps. I've learnt more about myself from all this. When you feel pain and hurt. When you're sad and down. I sit curled up, leave me alone. I torture myself, physically? no. Yes maybe, but harm yourself in other ways. Ongoing pain of hunger eases my saddened soul. Forcing deadlines back, tolling my future. That motivated optimistic person I can be, just wants to sit and be engulfed in darkness.
I've learnt I shine when things shine for me.